Coming to a store near you
in January 2020
The only place you will find 'toxic masculinity' is in this bottle. Other than that, it doesn't exist.
Toxic Masculinity Whiskey, smooth and unapologetically strong. This oak-aged classic Straight Rye Whiskey will transport you back to a time before shaving companies thought they were civilization's moral compass. A time when boys were raised to be men, and like their forefathers, they eagerly shouldered the responsibility to support and protect their families, communities and nation.
Toxic Masculinity is whiskey. It has never been anything else.
"Hey, why do you have some old guy on a weird bike on your label?" - anonymous reader
Dear Anonymous: Don't be an uncultured swine. That is not a 'bike', it's a Penny Farthing. It may look like a ridiculous contraption ridden by a ridiculous man, but do not underestimate the awesomeness of this Victorian engineering marvel or the man upon it. This was the original fast and furious.
Unlike today's sleek carbon fiber race bikes, the Penny has style and character. It's a humble machine that doesn't take itself too seriously, but if you disrespect it, prepare for a face-plant that will knock you back to 1877.
There is just something about this unlikely apparatus. It is almost a metaphor for life. Awkward and unpredictable, yet beautiful. Okay, sure, it's a little dangerous too, but so is a chainsaw.
Stay awesome Penny Farthing. Stay awesome.
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